eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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