it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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