Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize