can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
