well I can't set my house on fire every night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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