Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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