The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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