The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
