Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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