So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
