Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
