I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
