Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
