it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
