Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think a kid would responsible me up
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
