I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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