i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
