im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
