ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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