I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
