Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
