i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
