This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
