I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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