Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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