I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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