i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
