I must be too annoying 4 u.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
