I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Less talking, more tequila
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
