you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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