that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
