I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
