Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All the doctor said was why
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
