I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
