Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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