i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
