Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
