If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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