My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize