I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
