If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
