Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
