Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
