worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
