i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
