she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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