well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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