There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
