census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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