we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize