I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
