physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
