Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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