I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
