Fuck appropriateness.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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