I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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