Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize