you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
