The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
