You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize