I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
