Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
