What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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