is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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