Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
