Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize