Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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