Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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