Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
