Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
