I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
