i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
