The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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