Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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