I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
