We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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