OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
