Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
