My first STD was from a foam party
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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