what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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