'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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