If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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