Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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