he thought i was a dude.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize