So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
