My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize