yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
