Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
