She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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