Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
