Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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