9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
