If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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