As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize