hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
