omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
